The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
