dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
