I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
