Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
