it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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