I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
