the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
