420 ftw
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
