We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
