i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
