Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
