Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sex in a hospital.. check
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
