they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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