Betty ford says i'm here all night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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