Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
