Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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