I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
