ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize