don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
