I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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