i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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