dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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