we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bring me that man meat
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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