I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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