I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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