one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
