Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
