My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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