I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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