my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
