He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
