hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
