smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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