i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
