You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
