I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
