Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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