So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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