she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
