What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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