Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize