Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
