I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
