are you still at the devil's house?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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