Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
