carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
