K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no you cant smoke seaweed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
