They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
