you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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