guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
