Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
