she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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