my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize