it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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