Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
