If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
