i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize