threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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