Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
