I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize