you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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