Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
