Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
