I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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