I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
worst night to have a conscience
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
