If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
