Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
