So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
