How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
