All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
