i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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