i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
