I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize