i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
