I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize