You made me cry and you don't even care
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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