We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
