Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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