you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
