You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
