When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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