I cannot find my penis.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
