Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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