wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
