I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
