Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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