Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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