She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pappa wants mamma naked
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize