Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
