new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
