This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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