she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
