you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
