You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
