I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
