Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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