Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
